The Von Ronsenburg Family Singers
by Laguna's twin sister
Summary: Those bunnies really aren’t as harmless as they seem…Vaan and company find out the hard way after encoutering a rare mark in the Salikawood… Warning: Bunnycide! Utter craziness!
1. The sound of ?

**Von Rosenberg family singers**

Disclaimer: I don't own FF12, nor do I own Sound of Music/Von Trapp Family Singers but… well…

Warnings: Ok, this fic was based on confusion, about confusion, begins with confusion, ends with confusion. You have been warned.

She could never understand these Humes, Fran thought as she reluctantly ran faster to keep up with her current party. She honestly thought that she figured them out well enough already… but she supposed she was wrong. Sure, Humes can be idiotic, silly, and downright annoying at times but looking at the _children_ before her now, she could not help but think that they were beyond annoying at that moment – for now, they seemed hopeless.

"So Penelo, how many have we chained?" the young white haired boy asked, almost excitedly, not stopping once to catch his breath as he ran once more after seeing another frightened bunny in the corner of his eye.

"Oh Vaan…" the young girl sighed, as she ran after him, "we've chained… sixteen….twenty… twenty seven… oh thirty, THIRTY! Oh Vaan, could we please stop now?"

_I second the motion_, Fran thought to herself, but stayed quiet nonetheless, thinking her words would not reach the hyperactive boy in the first place. Children. How she loathed them at that moment.

"Vaan, just stop killing the bunnies already!! Can't you see they're so cute and puffy and … Vaaan!!"

"We need just about two more Penelo!" the boy replied, not even looking the tiniest bit remorseful after slaughtering balls of helpless fluff, "Just stay behind and look then. After all, I did say that I would kill them myself. Just don't look if you don't want to see."

"But Vaaan!!"

The girl seemed so close to tears and Fran was torn between comforting the girl and whacking both of their heads just to make them unconscious and easier to bring back to camp.

"Well then, I guess Penelo and I can just stay here and wait, until you make that mark of yours appear…"

"No Fran!! You can't do that. The seeq hunter in the hunter's camp said that this one is pretty nasty. I would kill it if I could do it myself … but it has great magicks … or so I heard… and I really need your help Fran…"

How immature, she muttered, mostly to herself, feeling uncharacteristically murderous that day. She supposed it was the sun's heat… or the odd mist that she felt the moment she stepped into the area.

"I tire of your games Vaan, and believe me; you would rather see me gone than see me lose my patience."

"B..bu…but Fran!! Please!! I just need four trophies more and we'll be the talk of the hunt club for sure!"

The boy's games were starting to get to her head, and for a brief moment, she remembered the cocky smile on Balthier's face.

"_You'll never last an hour with that boy,"_

His voice nagged her in her mind.

"_I bet you Fran, you are utterly defenseless against that boy's stamina, and that my dear is your weakness."_

She never should have made a deal with her partner. She guessed she also had her confidence to blame. She always thought her self to be more patient than others – more open to new things than others. She knew she can endure whatever situation and she wanted to prove this to Balthier but…

Soon they heard loud footsteps coming their way and Vaan tensed up and moved to a battle position. To his disappointment, and Fran's relief, it turned out to be Basch, heaving a little, yet looking serious.

"Her highness sent me here," he said softly, "She said that she was tired of waiting and that I should fetch you right away."

Sometimes having a prima donna princess could be a blessing in disguise…

"You heard him Vaan, let's go…" Fran said, looking almost as if she were ushering the two, "you know how Ashelia hates waiting…"

"But but but FRAAAN!!"

The knight looked as if he felt sorry for the boy until Fran added, "And you know how Basch dislikes being away from the princess… especially when she's alone with Balthier…"

Basch visibly paled, and it took Penelo a lot of effort not to giggle. Yet the viera got the reaction she wanted, and sure enough, the knight then awkwardly placed his hand by the back of Vaan's neck and nudged him forward.

"Baaasch!! Please please please, just a few minutes longer,"

"…Maybe next time Vaan…"

The boy pouted once more and bent his head, almost looking like he wanted to shout out of frustration. He was so close… so damn close. Now he would have to run around the forest again, running after stupid bunnies and murdering their kind and … not that he minded… but it was an annoying task and he didn't like it how it took them a loooooooong time to spawn and Penelo was always tagging along, yet she was always being difficult because she says they're cute and …damn it!! They were not cute. Not cute at all….. and what did he care about what Penelo thought were cute, she didn't know any better – come on, she said she thought Larsa was a "sweet" boy… sweet his bu…

"Oh oh…Oh no!! Look!!!" Vaan was jarred from his thoughts when he heard Penelo's frantic cry behind him.

Just then, a huge monster appeared, yet its actual shape was hard to see. It just seemed to be a big … big ball of…cottony…and fluffy…

"It's the rare mark!!!!" Vaan almost jumped with delight, as he pulled out his spear behind his back. "come on, come on, let's just finish it quickly and get out of here."

The knight muttered to himself yet grabbed the hilt of his sword nonetheless. Penelo followed in tow, casting dispel on the monster, as was her habit every time they were engaged in a not-so-ordinary fight.

Fran noticed something different about this mutated bunny… it seemed to be … darker than most fiends she saw. Yet somehow… its essence as a bunny couldn't be denied either... judging from its seemingly soft ears and big, well rounded eyes.

"Oh… oh no!! You guys!! More bunnies are coming this way!!" the young girl shouted for her companions to hear, as she saw the marching army of bunnies having something that seemed like a determined look in their eyes.

"Maybe we should start a mist quickening," Fran suggested, thinking that their shared efforts could easily bring the fiends down.

"But I have to steal something from it before we kill it," the young boy muttered as he awkwardly slipped his thief's cuffs on, "Hang on just a sec…"

"We haven't got time. Fran is right," Basch looked towards her direction and she nodded in reply. She bent down her head, preparing herself and waiting for the right moment….

"Oh no! Look out!!!!"

She opened her eyes a second too late. She saw something coming out of their enemies' mouth – as if on a collective effort, they made a move that she has not seen before. To her horror, her companions started spinning before her eyes and before she could even escape… her own world started spinning

And spinning

And spinning

And spinning

And suddenly she was so dizzy that she almost fell… down the …

Grassy plain?

Where the hell was she?

Fran could not figure out the state she was in. Perhaps she was transported to another zone… she heard that such a spell occurred … yet only those guardians in Tomb of Raithwall were capable of doing it but… No… she cannot… possibly be…

She noticed how bright and happy the atmosphere seemed to be… almost like _the hills were alive_…there were trees and flowers and butterflies… and her ears picked up a sound… a sound of a stream? And what's this… it was like… she _heard some sort of music_…

"I cannot possibly be dead." Fran hit her head, in an effort to wake herself up, but to her utter disappointment, she realized that she was stuck in wherever it is that she was. Perhaps staying in this confused state could not possibly help her. She must recover and…

"Penelo! Vaan! Basch!" she called, and heard her voice echo through the wind, "Could you hear me?" she walked more, starting to feel anxiety instead of confusion, "Balthier! Ashe!! ANYONE?!"

She started sniffing around and honing her senses but… nothing!!

She was in trouble and she knew it… but as she surveyed her surroundings again…it was almost as if she was stuck… in a dream?

Ding … dong… ding … dong

Bells? She looked around and saw where the sound came from. Sure enough, she saw a big structure, just below the hill and towards the stream. Surely, if it had a bell and the bell just rung… someone must be there… and she could possibly get some of her questions answered….

She ran hurriedly towards the structure, running like she never had before. She ran past the trees… the stream … the grass…until finally, she reached the structure that she had seen earlier.

It seemed like a fortress up close, for it was bigger than what she expected. The halls were quiet as the bells had stopped ringing. Nothing could be heard… nothing… yet somehow she felt something … deep in her heart. It was like a call… almost like a call from the wood…

"I cannot understand Fran. She causes us nothing but trouble"

She heard it… it was faint but she heard it. It was a familiar voice…

"The other day, she talked about leaving us and I warned her of the consequences but… still. She is too adventurous for her own good."

Who were they? People she knew? It was highly likely – that was… if she truly were the _Fran_ they talked about.

"But we must admire her spirit. Not too many of us are blessed with such energy and courage…"

"I agree, in fact I want to be more like her,"

"Oh Mjrn, surely you kid! Jote would certainly not like that…"

Mjrn? Jote?!

"Sisters!" Fran gasped as she saw the white haired maidens, talking amongst themselves.

"Fran!" they all said simultaneously.

"It's about time!"

"What… what is happening… what are you…?"

"And still you ask us questions? Jote had been looking for you…" an older viera said, "I cannot believe you made her wait."

"Made her wait? But I…" she hoped to clear things up … but now she seemed more confused than ever…

And to her utter dismay, she was suddenly pulled by her younger sister towards one of the dark corridors.

"I'm telling you Fran, it's going to be all right. Jote wouldn't be that angry, I just know it, I know she'd understand."

"Understand what?" she replied, almost afraid to ask, feeling like the answer could confuse her more.

"Understand your situation… that you… you have a feeling as if you don't really… belong."

Again she tried to think about what had happened before she found herself in this bizarre world. They were in the Salikawood… hunting a rare mark. She was with Vaan… and Penelo… and Basch came along… when suddenly the mark appeared… and many of its minions followed it… and then the mark did something…

"Fran! Have you been listening to what I have been saying?" Just then, she found herself seated in the middle of a room, and to her absolute disbelief she saw her older sister Jote, merely inches from her.

She knew she had a strained relationship with her eldest sister although they have reached a certain sense of understanding after what had happened to Mjrn not too long ago… but to see her before her now, with a concerned expression in her face… surely…

"It's an illusion… a strange form of magick has bound me. You do not exist. This world does not exist" she mumbled to herself as she closed her eyes to erase the images.

But to her utter dismay, as she opened her eyes, her sister's face was still there – and she was frowning, her ears twitching a little as if feeling a certain level of unbearable mist.

"Leave us Mjrn," she heard her "sister" say. As she heard the footsteps' sounds become fainter and fainter, she was forced to look at Jote once more. "Fran, are you all right?"

Due to the fact that she did not know what to do, Fran merely sat still and looked in front of her passively, fully convinced that she was stuck in an illusion – probably a magick induced state. It would be proper for her to just calm herself to keep her from possibly inflicting harm on her peers. She'd snap out of this illusion soon… she has to.

She merely looked on as the image of Jote continued to speak to her, "I know Fran that you wish to seek the world outside the wood. Some of us are destined to stay… whereas… some are destined to leave."

"And you approve of this?" she mumbled before she could stop herself. Surely, the real Jote would think otherwise.

"We have received a call from the Dalmascan Order… A captain in particular,"

_A captain?_

"Captain Basch Von Rosenberg of Dalmasca. He had recently retired from all his exploits after the war and decided to adopt seven children and take them under his wing – probably as a form of repentance or whatnot for all that had transpired in the war…"

"Seven Children!" She stood up from her seat and thought about it once more. Children… children. Before this had ever happened, she was thinking about children… and how she loathed them…

"I think it would be a good experience for you if you went to his aid… to know more about the world outside the wood and to know more about humes…"

Now she knew what this was about… the mist was possibly toying with her anger and annoyance. It was bringing out her feelings and playing tricks with her mind. Confusion often lead people to fail to distinguish a friend from foe… surely under the guise of these children… she would not be able to recognize her allies and actually make her go against them.

"I suggest you leave as soon as possible…"

Oh she'd help those children all right. But she knew better than that wicked mark. She would not harm them…. She would play the part, so be it. But she will not hurt the "children".

"I will not let you down. I shall be good to them…I'm pretty _confident_ that I would be…"

Author's notes: IT WAS WEIRD WASN'T IT!? I'm sorry. I've had a horrible last-song-sung-syndrome with that song in Sound of Music (the one with the puppet show...) and it's been playing in my head all weekend… so… well… I admire those people brave enough to read this. Ahahahhaahhaa!!! I wouldn't mind getting flamed for this but… beware….of… the … bunnies!


	2. The new Fräulein

Vaan felt a headache nagging in his head. One moment he was busy multitasking - parrying and attempting to steal from the mark at the same time, only to find himself in this strange room the next.

He stayed still for a while, hoping to get more information about his surroundings. He was afraid that the mark may still be nearby and it might suddenly attack him when he was unprepared… yet… judging from the nice carvings on the walls and the clean atmosphere – it almost seemed like he wasn't in Feywood anymore.

"Guys?" he called, a bit tentatively, starting to feel more nervous. "Penelo? Fran?" he managed to get up and started walking around. He reached for his back to grab his spear… only to find… NOTHING.

Suddenly panicked, he pulled on his back… his clothes… and realized he was wearing… something quite bizarre.

Truth be told, he was dressed more awkwardly than an Archadian gent.

He looked at his reflection in one of the metal plates in the wall and to his horror saw how he looked like. He was uncomfortably clean and his hair was slicked back. And the color of his clothes… Oh surely no one was crazy enough to put him in drab shades of … light blue?!

Things were starting be freakier by the second… it was even more frightening than that time he woke up in the dungeons. Waking up looking like a sissy was far scarier than waking up to see a dead corpse – who did this to him? Who was wicked enough to do such a preposterous and vengeful…

He suddenly had to put his hands on his ears as a very high pitched sound echoed in the room. It sounded like a whistle, not unlike those the Archadian soldiers used to control the imperial hounds. A few seconds later, he heard more sounds … doors opening, rumbling… footsteps… heavy … running footsteps. Cautiously he opened the door and peered outside. When he saw that the coast was clear, he decided to step out.

"Young Master! Your father is calling!" he heard the familiar voice speaking to him that he almost jumped from where he stood.

"Migelo?!"

"Hurry up Vaan, the new Fräulein is here and your father demands that you meet her!"

"My father?" he asked dumbly once more and he had to scratch his head, completely ruining his perfectly neat hair. "My father has long been dead."

"Of course, young master," Migelo replied, looking slightly agitated, "but whatever you need to discuss with your new father… well, I am not in the position to meddle, with me being a lowly butler…"

New father… butler?

Soon he heard the whistling again, and it was much more insistent now than before. Migelo pushed him forward and he had no choice but to fumble down clumsily in the long staircase.

Six other people were lined up in a row in the middle of the hall and from what he can tell, they were wearing the same horrid clothes as he did. And judging from the way the looked from behind…

"Ashe! Penelo! Larsa! … Kytes, Jinn and Nono?!"

He was not prepared for what he saw next. A familiar face came to view, and his expression was sterner than it usually was.

"Vaan Von Rosenberg!" he called and he had no choice but to freeze in his position. He did not know if he should be scared or if he should laugh… the way Basch looked… neater than Balthier… It was quite odd to see him with a cravat… and a coat similar to what Halim Ondore would wear.

"Is this some kind of joke?"

Just then the other people chuckled at him, and for a while he thought everything was all right. That was until Basch looked at them and they visibly straightened up. He then pulled Vaan and made him stand in the empty space in between Ashe and Penelo.

"Please forgive me for that Fräulein, my children are usually well behaved. I know not what happened to this young man. But as you heard, that was his name and his signal."

His signal? What in blazes was Basch talking about? Yet seeing that the others had serious looks in their faces, he decided to go with the flow. He stood up straight and saw Fran looking at him from the corner of his eye. Fran? Fran was the so-called Fräulein? What the hell is a Fräulein anyway?! Perhaps that was her real name… like Ashelia… and Ashe… and… huh!?

"Now if you would like to call you, here is your signal…"

"I am a viera, Captain, in case you have forgotten. I am not deaf and this whistle of yours really is irritating to the ears. Should you need me, I would be there… that is … if I am not indisposed at the moment…"

Basch's head tilted slightly, as if in an indignant way, "Very well, I shall leave you with the children so you would be better acquainted…"

The knight started walking away when Fran tentatively blew the whistle, "excuse me Captain, what was your signal?"

"You may call me Captain."

The other people laughed and soon, Basch was out the room.

"Ok… fun's over. Where in the world are we?!" Vaan asked, moving out of position and flailing his hands almost wildly.

"Stay still Vaan," Ashe hissed, as he pulled his hand. "Can't you see, we're getting introduced to our new governess."

"Governess?! What is that!?"

"You really are incorrigible," Penelo muttered and Vaan had no choice but to keep quiet once more.

This was so damn confusing. Were they in some trap again that they had to act? Perhaps it was just like that time when he had to go running around in Bhujerba, saying he's Basch… maybe he should just…

"Perhaps you should introduce yourselves once more, now that your father is not here."

Father… from what Vaan could tell, Basch was their supposed father. That made some sense, after all, he was somehow the eldest among them… well… there was Fran too… perhaps she played the part of their mother? That was quite bizarre… and what are Kytes, Jinn and Nono doing there in the first place?

"I am Ashelia, I'm nineteen years old and I don't think I need a governess. I am destined to be queen after all…"

Fran smirked slightly, seeming to offend Ashe a little, "That's well and good. But if there are things you want to know about, you could always come to me…"

He was next in line, and Vaan reluctantly stepped forward as Ashe had and spoke, "Uh… I'm Vaan… I'm seventeen … and they say I'm incorrigible."

"Good for you."

Next was Penelo. At least she didn't change much, "I am Penelo, and I'm sixteen. I like to dance…"

Fran nodded and seemed to have no comment. Larsa was next in line and he stepped forward.

"I'm Lamont"

He then stepped back and it was Kytes's turn to step forward, "No, he's lying. His name's Larsa and I think… what you're wearing are the ugliest clothes I've ever seen."

Larsa then stepped forward once more and retorted, "Hey, I beg to differ. Her clothes are quite all right. See, she even wears pumps like I do…"

Vaan had to look behind him and sure enough, saw Larsa's heeled shoes once more. HE WAS RIGHT AFTER ALL!! LARSA DID WEAR PUMPS!!!

Kytes shrugged and continued, "Anyway, Larsa's twelve, and I'm ten."

Next in line was Jinn. Vaan scratched his head. He didn't even like the boy much. Why the hell was he there? Wasn't he supposed to be in Giza Plains?!

"I'm Jinn… and I'm… seven. I like sunstones," he said, almost like a whisper, and he timidly retreated back to the line.

Then Nono stepped forward.

"Kupo!"

"That's Nono. He's a moogle, if that's not obvious enough," Ashe said, "We don't know much about him. Except that he likes making things… and eating kupo nuts…"

"Oh… I see." Fran said as she walked towards the center and addressed them all, "Well, I am Fran, a viera from the wood. I'll be with you for a while… and I hope our time together would be … pleasant."

Vaan quickly raised his hand then, only to have Penelo nudge his side. "What are you doing Vaan!?" 

"Penelo!" he muttered back, "Could you please explain to me what's happening?!"

"Are you hungry or something Vaan? Don't worry, dinner would be in a few hours."

He then realized talking to her was pointless. No one was going to give him any answers.

"All right children, I have to go help Fran unpack," he suddenly heard another voice. He knew that woman… she was … that girl in Old Dalan's place.

"Vaan vaan, check this out!" he suddenly had Kytes behind his back whispering to him.

"What are you doing here kytes!"

"Vaan, you weirdo, there look at Jinn"

Soon he saw Jinn creeping behind Fran by the stairs… slipping what seemed to be a … rat in her hair…

Fran then quickly caught the mouse and threw it aside, instantly killing it as it hit the wall… some parts of its body splattering in a bloody mess in the ground. Then she smiled and continued up the stairs.

"This new governess, I dislike her," Ashe said… "She's kind of … intimidating."

"Scary, if you'd ask me," Penelo said, shivering a little, as she peered up the staircase and saw her disappear as she went inside one of the rooms.

"Of course she's scary! That's Fran!" Vaan mumbled. "Ok, when will the game be over."

"Once she leaves of course!" Kytes said

"Kupo!" Nono added.

"Dinner time… it's your turn Vaan." Larsa said as he placed his hands inside his "uniform".

"Wait, let me get this straight. Basch is our father, you are all my siblings… and Fran is our nanny. Is that right?"

Penelo had an expression that almost said "duh".

"So where the hell is Balthier?" Vaan asked suddenly, and Ashe visibly stiffened.

"He does not concern you Vaan."

"Ooookaaay…" he was surprised at Ashe's reaction.

"Whatever it is that's troubling you Vaan, you better sort it out before dinner," Ashe commanded authoritatively, seeming to get over her disgruntled state earlier, "come on, we need to finish our assignments…"

"Assignments?" Vaan then messed up his hair in frustration. There was no sense in talking to those guys. They would not listen to him!! Yet it seemed that Fran was the only one who was not as muddled as they were.

Wait. Muddled.

Muddled.

The bunnies… Feywood.

Perhaps he was under some sort of spell? Was this all a dream? That wasn't likely. The seeq hunter never said anything about this…

…

…

"DAMN THAT SEEQ!" Vaan grumbled as he ran out the door. He was so confused and he did not know what to do… Was he supposed to stay still? Call for help?

He just decided to continue walking … walking … until he saw some familiar looking leaves splattered in the ground. He saw an echo herb…and some flowers… and a… cactuar?

He attacked it from behind and after struggling with it a bit, if finally breathed out loud, and he was sure it was dead. He then hit it with his bare hand, in an effort to wake himself up, only to find out that it was ineffective. He was awake … and he only felt pain, and still he didn't seem like he was back in Feywood. Perhaps his companions would be luckier? They were after all more powerful in the magicks department. He supposed Fran was his only hope.

He walked back to the house and searched for the best place to hide his kill. He then saw a cushioned chair in what seemed to be a dining room and he decided to place the plant in one of the chairs.

He then walked off and waited for dinner time.

He was about to fall asleep when he heard the whistle once more. Unlike last time, he responded more quickly this time and moved into position. After which, their "father" led them to the table and they all took their respective seats.

Fran then entered the room and was directed to sit in the chair…

The chair

The chair!!!! 

He must admit, he stared at Fran's… behind more than once. How could he not?! When it was out there to see and …

She suddenly yelped out in pain. He winced too, unintentionally imagining how it was in his head… and he was mortified that he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his stomach.

His "siblings" seemed to be less affected, as they merely grinned.

"What seems to be the problem Fräulein?" 

"Nothing… It was… Nothing." She muttered, yet Vaan could clearly see the murderous look in her eyes.

"Uh… guys, don't you feel something strange?" Vaan suddenly said, hoping to try to wake up his friends once more.

"The only strange thing I've seen today is you Vaan, what is troubling you son?" Basch asked kindly… in a fatherly way … and under the circumstances, it frightened him.

"Uh… don't you remember anything about… Bunnies… the Feywood?"

"The Feywood? What is that?" Larsa asked suddenly quite interested at what his "brother" had been saying.

The other people in the table suddenly focused their attention on him… except for Fran, who was still nursing her sore… bottom.

"Ok, this might be weird but … We are all in this illusionary world right now. At least from what I can tell. We've been cursed or something…" he continued, and everyone seemed to have an odd look in their faces.

"Oh Vaan, philosophical questions surely are not … pleasant during dinner," Basch said, admonishing him a little, "If you don't mind, I think some of us would like to eat."

He was about to speak again when Migelo entered the room, "A telegram arrived for you Captain," he said as he gave the envelope to Basch.

"Who delivered the telegram Migelo?" Ashe asked, suddenly smiling.

"It was the boy… Balthier…"

Balthier!! So that's what the guy has been up to! "Hey, I'll go speak to …"

"Where are your manners Vaan," Larsa muttered, "Father would…"

"It's all right Larsa, I think he's just … hungry. Go eat up Vaan," Basch muttered as he folded up the letter, "I'll be away for a while. I have some business in the capital. I would return after a few days… with your Uncle Gabranth."

"Isn't he supposedly the evil twin?" Vaan mumbled, and he realized too late that he would probably be scolded for it.

"I am glad you think so Vaan… I do hope you are in a better mood once I return," Basch sipped some wine and looked up once more. "Fräulein Fran?"

"Don't worry Captain, rest assured I'll have everything under control." Fran said as she sipped wine herself, "We would have fun, wouldn't we children?"

Fran had a glimmer in her eye that was not missed by the supposed children in the table. They all started laughing… a nervous, tentative laugh and suddenly Vaan felt that the end was near.

He rolled his head back and waited for death to come.

Author's Notes:

and the madness continues!! Next chapter would feature Basch. That is… if I even manage to write the next chapter in the first place. I just realized it's so hard to make a parody in FF12 without making people crossdress. Seriously… low female:male ratio!! Anyway. I shall stop being hyper now and … yeah.

I am so brain dead right now. I had to write a corporate audit paper (114 pages baby!) and I still haven't finished my paper on Sartre. Oooh boy. Sorry for the brain-dead ness. Next time I'm in a pinch like this, I'd probably continue this! Haha. Thanks to all who read and I hope it wasn't that bad.


End file.
